Modern Thought, page 6

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Corporations are people too Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation
Worrying works! 90% of the things you worry about will never happen. Try it! A truly great library contains something to offend everyone
Too much money is as bad as too little, and there's no such thing as just enough You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But what really works best is poo
Anything is possible as long as it's within your limited abilities Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance: The 5 stages of waking up
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant Sadness and bubble wrap cannot inhabit the same room
Napping can prevent aging if you do it while driving Sitting is the new smoking
Success is 1% inspiration and 99% being a member of the 1% Common sense, like deodorant, is noticed most when it isn't used
Now is the new later When life gives you lemons be glad it didn't give you giant flying spiders
Guns don't kill people, it's mostly the bullets Those who don't believe in magic are right are those who do
Excuses weigh about 15 pounds You can call it karma, I call it a banquet of consequences
Perfectionism: A propensity to be displeased with everything Money can't buy happiness but it can buy shoes. Problem solved
If you think money can't buy happiness you're not spending enough of it If you're not paranoid you're crazy
You can tell a lot about a person by working at the NSA If you say no to drugs, talking to drugs may be a sign you're already on drugs
Being a grown up should never be more than a part time job Naps let you fast-forward the sleepy part of your day
If it ain't broke, take it apart and see why not Everyone smiles in the same language
If you can't say something nice, at least be vague Children, drunks and leggings always tell the truth
80% of success is showing up someone else Every person has value Especially when sold as parts
When the going gets tough, the tough pop a mint A cookie isn't ever a bad idea
If there's a 50/50 chance something can go wrong, 9 times out of 10 it will To be number one you've got to be odd
Wondering if you're happy is a great shortcut to being depressed Good things come to those who hustle
Never be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents' job Pessimists are just reformed optimists
A hammock is a net that captures tranquility Inside every small problem is a larger problem waiting for you to let it out
The favorite tie attracts the gravy A to-do list is a great way to track how little you're accomplishing
You see infinity wherever you look, just not all of it The biggest corporate lies are the serving size on snack food packages
Anything is possible with the right attitude and some duct tape Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
I'm sorry and my bad mean the same unless you're at a funeral Silence is golden unless you have kids then it's suspicious
invite a clown expect a circus Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
Things are never so bad that they can't get worse Murphy was overly optimistic
Life begins at coffee Money isn't the key to happiness but you can use that money to have a key made
Weddings aren’t GAY or straight ...just a waste of money that could have been used for a down payment Justice is in the eye of the key holder
Money always wins Time is always in short supply because we waste so much of it
Parties: For when you want to clean up twice in 12 hours Anything can be a petting zoo if you don't care about consequences
Things would be so much simpler if they just weren't so complicated If you really “did it like a boss” other people did it for you and you just took the credit
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