Tribulations, page 1

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My 4,895th consecutive day of lowered expectations It's been lovely but I have to scream now
Success requires hard work so there goes that idea This would be funny if it weren't happening to ME
Hey, it's not easy being a Princess! With friends like you who needs enemas?
Nothing messes up my Friday more than finding out it's only Thursday some days it's not worth gnawing through the straps
All stressed out and no one to choke Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education
I left the womb for this? Oh, great time for the meds to wear off!
Terrorists don't scare me. My cholesterol, that scares me. I've only got one nerve left and you're getting on it!
Well, TODAY was a total waste of makeup OK, time for PLAN B
When did my sixpack turn into this keg? There are some days even my lucky underpants can't help
We're doomed -C3PO Quiet brain! or I'll poke you with anothre Qtip!
It worries me that so many of my worries never happen Oh, no, not another learning experience
When I used to daydream about the future, this wasn't what I had in mind They want you to be afraid
If there's a prize for bad judgment, I think I win VENI VIDI VELCRO I came, I saw, I got stuck
I have too many tabs open in my brain I've had a great time but this wasn't it
I have been eating boxes of Thin Mints for weeks. They are not working! I haven't had this much fun since the last time I ate a lightbulb
If it weren't for stress I'd have no energy at all This too shall pass would be nice
If I was as good at remembering as I am at forgetting I could tell you why I brought this up I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired
It's been one of those days all week I replaced my nonexistent sex life with food and now I can't even get into my own pants
Sorry, you are not a winner I don't want to be here
I feel a disturbance in the force Can open. Worms everywhere
Some of my worst mistakes were haircuts I'm due for some blessings that aren't in disguise
Relationship Status: My emergency contact is 911 Drowning in the mainstream
Dear medicine companies, that's not what fruit tastes like Way too tired for all this
I think, therefore I am depressed Today, even converting oxygen into carbon dioxide seems too much effort
Some people drain the nice right out of me I was happy but you're ruining it!
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