Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 7

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If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would choose alive You say I'm addicted to brake fluid but I can stop any time
I love polyamory I would do my utmost but I'm out of ut
Build a man a fire, you warm him for a day. Set a man on fire, you warm him for the rest of his life. I'm so lazy I never
He who dies last will not be remembered Operators are standing by
Whenever I feel blue I start breathing again Friends are like balloons, they'll drift away if you don't tie a cord around their neck
Do you get enough sleep> Yes No Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others
I used to be angry and miserable, then I turned my life around. Now I'm miserable and angry
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot I give 100% all week
If we weren't supposed to wear clothes we would have been born naked What do people in China call their good dishes?
If Special K tastes that bad Regular K must be awful Introverts unite, separately, at home
A good name for a cover band would be Duvet People tell me I have lots of potential, but I guess we'll never know now will we?
Apathy solves everything. Or not. So what? If you have 44 candy bars and eat 40, what are you left with? Diabetes.
They call me apathetic but I don't care My mom never loved me as a child. But then, I wasn't there when she was a child
If you are what you eat, I'm going to eat a skinny person I work well under pressure as long as I have lots of time and the outcome isn't important
He who laughs last thinks slowest Never use a word you don't plaintively understand
Whenever I start to feel lazy I take a nap until the feeling passes Bungee jumping is for suicidal people with commitment issues
They're reading a fascinating book in the space station. They just can't put it down Slept like a baby last night. Woke up every two hours crying
Fighting a war on drugs is probably less scary than fighting a war sober Have you heard about this? It's a pronoun to identify a specific thing
I advise you to never listen to advice Everyone should take a lover, it breaks up the monogomy
"Stop quoting me!" -Anonymous I may be dating myself but only because nobody else will
Cashiers are always checking me out To know yourself, first know others. You're what's left
At least the NSA is one government agency that will listen to you You can't make me feel bad, my self esteem is way too low for that
I've got a perfect body. But it's in the trunk and beginning to smell I love rebuses
You don't know what you've got until you do inventory I cheat on my breast exams
I don't know how to express myself because I can't seal the box from inside I don't think I could live with myself if I was ever cloned
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