Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Nothing's like it used to be except deja vu If you can read this easily, big deal, so can everyone
I learned two big lessons today. I can't remember the first but the second is "write things down" I don't repeat gossip so listen carefully
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it I love Earth's rotation It really makes my day
Drive like lightning and you'll probably strike lots of trees How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair
I know I speak for everyone when I say I have multiple personality disorder I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours I had a pet peeve for a long time but it got loose and my cat ate it
I was hurt falling into an upholstery machine but I'm recovered now Sudoku for the busy
A procrastinator's work is never done Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome! People sayt I have a gambling problem but I'll bet you fifty bucks, 10 to 1, I don't
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it
An introvert walks past a bar Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it
Obesity is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit Not humerus
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly I'm a man of few
Never let it be said that... I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst
I’m sorry about how much I apologize If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation
I am not a number I am a sticker I have an on again off again relationship with light switches
I just can't express how aphasic I am A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter
Resist (resistor) My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust
I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma.
Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world You can't live on Food stamps they have no nutrition and taste bad
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You
Back in school I was voted Most Likely to Cling to Past Achievements The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands
I haven’t slept for 4 days. That’s too long to stay asleep Double negatives are a no no
Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones
I’m all about fitness taco into my mouth
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