Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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Web Designer If I'm ever taken in for questioning I sure hope there's no math
I got my body by doing lots of crunches: Captain and Nestlé If you can read this easily, big deal, so can everyone
Start each day off on the right foot ...or left, nobody really cares Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
My daughter thinks I'm nosey or so it says in her diary I have an easy way to cut carbs
2 = 2 = 5 (for particularly large values of 2) Drive like lightning and you'll probably strike lots of trees
I'm a bad judge of people but I think I'd make an ok executioner I know I speak for everyone when I say I have multiple personality disorder
I may have an inferiority complex but not a very good one I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
I always start a diet on the same day: tomorrow 2-second literacy test. You pass.
I'm just 2 people away from a threesome I'd like to have moe self esteem but I don't deserve it
Irony is what steel is How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair
Typo's happen I can't recall why my career as a memory expert ended
Is a Wednesday with no rain a dry hump day? Censored
Not to brag but I put a puzzle together in 3 days and the box said 2-4 years I don't repeat gossip so listen carefully
Sudoku for the busy Conspiracy theories are bunk probably started by the government
Memory is the second thing to go. I don't remember what's first There's no I in denial
I don't have a real ladder, just a stepladder If you can read this you too have a left parietal lobe
I'm sure everyone thinks I'm paranoid I'm a big fan of bandwagons since early this morning
It's stupid to yell "Help, shark!" A shark isn't going to help anyone The first rule of Mime Club: Don't talk about Mime Club
Two's company, three's Musketeers I may not be sagacious, canny, clever or shrewd, but I do own a thesaurus
I've changed my mind—if I could have dinner with anybody, living or dead, I choose dead I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak
Never let it be said that... Of all the things I've lost I miss my keys the most
People say I'm paranoid. I'm not sure who, but there are lots of them Like a boss
It's an old expression so I wonder how many words a picture is worth in today's words If you are illiterate ignore this message
Rules to learning English: their our know rules For the record, I own a turntable
If you want my respect, get on your knees and beg for it. Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours
Obesity is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit Gravity is keeping me down
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it I learned two big lessons today. I can't remember the first but the second is "write things down"
I'm a social vegan, I avoid meet Aced my blood test. Got an A-
One nation under Canada Ointment This is a topical bumper sticker
I had a pet peeve for a long time but it got loose and my cat ate it You calling me judgmental just proves what I've said about you
Nothing's like it used to be except deja vu I'm a man of few
I'm taking steps to avoid elevators Velcro is a rip off
People sayt I have a gambling problem but I'll bet you fifty bucks, 10 to 1, I don't Things I dislike: 1.Bumperstickers 2.Lists 3.Irony
I had to draw the line somewhere You can't live on Food stamps they have no nutrition and taste bad
Want to attract a glutton? Piece of cake I don't recall having a memory problem
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly Suppositories aren't the best thing in the world but they're right up there
I love Earth's rotation It really makes my day I just can't express how aphasic I am
If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra I was hurt falling into an upholstery machine but I'm recovered now
I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma. A procrastinator's work is never done
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
The first rule of Plagiarism Club is Thou Shall Not Kill I have an on again off again relationship with light switches
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