Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is
Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes I just can't express how aphasic I am
I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome!
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter
I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours Double negatives are a no no
I’m kind of a big dill Never let it be said that...
I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma. Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left
I have a love/hate relationship with strong, contrary emotions I’m sorry about how much I apologize
Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it?
I have an on again off again relationship with light switches I need constant validation, right?
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones Resist (resistor)
Sudoku for the busy To me, the meaning of translucent is not quite clear
Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation
The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands I’m all about fitness taco into my mouth
To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions Eat aluminum foil, you sheet metal
I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst An introvert walks past a bar
Philosophical Finder: Why are you here? Bad puns are how eye roll
A procrastinator's work is never done My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You
You matter. Unless you energy Look left. You failed.
American children can be kind but German children are always kinder My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust
In queso emergency: melt cheese A good pun is its own reword
Back in school I was voted Most Likely to Cling to Past Achievements Please explain sleep to me because I just don't get it
(pumpkin) pi If you really want to shake things up I recommend maracas
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, Who is. Electricians strip to make ends meet
There are 2 kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data Playas are a beach
Vegan zombies want grrraaaaains I laugh at mountains because they’re hill areas
Incel: A man trapped outside a woman’s body I’m addicted to interventions
When will carotene be out of beta? (Na)16 Batman
My weekends are in tents Puns make me numb. Math puns make me number
I put the ‘toast’ in ‘toaster.’ Then I take it out and eat it I hate hashtags! #ihatehashtags #angry #fedup #stoptagging
To be frank, I would have to change my name Let's not talk about eternity because it just never ends
A new study says you will pay attention to anything starting with “a new study says” I don’t care IV roman numerals
I hope that blimp I saw New Year's Day means what it said Don’t engage in e-sex that is not contextual
Not sure I trust my math teacher and his graph paper He may be plotting something I love heavy metal (tuba)
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