Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is
I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome!
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter
I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma. Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? I’m sorry about how much I apologize
I’m kind of a big dill Double negatives are a no no
Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly I need constant validation, right?
To me, the meaning of translucent is not quite clear Resist (resistor)
Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts I’m all about fitness taco into my mouth
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones I have an on again off again relationship with light switches
Sudoku for the busy My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You
Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world Eat aluminum foil, you sheet metal
Bad puns are how eye roll An introvert walks past a bar
To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions Philosophical Finder: Why are you here?
American children can be kind but German children are always kinder A procrastinator's work is never done
I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst A good pun is its own reword
There are 2 kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data Look left. You failed.
You matter. Unless you energy Vegan zombies want grrraaaaains
When will carotene be out of beta? My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, Who is. I laugh at mountains because they’re hill areas
Playas are a beach Please explain sleep to me because I just don't get it
(pumpkin) pi If you really want to shake things up I recommend maracas
A new study says you will pay attention to anything starting with “a new study says” Electricians strip to make ends meet
In queso emergency: melt cheese (Na)16 Batman
I’m addicted to interventions Puns make me numb. Math puns make me number
Incel: A man trapped outside a woman’s body Don’t engage in e-sex that is not contextual
Not sure I trust my math teacher and his graph paper He may be plotting something My weekends are in tents
Let's not talk about eternity because it just never ends I put the ‘toast’ in ‘toaster.’ Then I take it out and eat it
I don’t care IV roman numerals To be frank, I would have to change my name
Dogs can’t operate medical imaging machines but cats can I’m not one for schizophrenia
I love heavy metal (tuba) My modus operandi is using Latin phrases to sound superior
20% off everything You cannot swim under water you can only swim in water
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