Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it
I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things Not humerus
A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter I had a pet peeve for a long time but it got loose and my cat ate it
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours People sayt I have a gambling problem but I'll bet you fifty bucks, 10 to 1, I don't
I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome! Double negatives are a no no
I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma. I'm a man of few
I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list Never let it be said that...
I just can't express how aphasic I am I’m kind of a big dill
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it?
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left I’m sorry about how much I apologize
I need constant validation, right? Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive
I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
Sudoku for the busy If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra
The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world
To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it I’m all about fitness taco into my mouth
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones Resist (resistor)
I have an on again off again relationship with light switches I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst
My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions
An introvert walks past a bar Look left. You failed.
I have a love/hate relationship with strong, contrary emotions To me, the meaning of translucent is not quite clear
You matter. Unless you energy Eat aluminum foil, you sheet metal
A new study says you will pay attention to anything starting with “a new study says” Bad puns are how eye roll
American children can be kind but German children are always kinder My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust
A procrastinator's work is never done Please explain sleep to me because I just don't get it
I hate hashtags! #ihatehashtags #angry #fedup #stoptagging Philosophical Finder: Why are you here?
There are 2 kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data I put the ‘toast’ in ‘toaster.’ Then I take it out and eat it
Vegan zombies want grrraaaaains Back in school I was voted Most Likely to Cling to Past Achievements
Playas are a beach If you really want to shake things up I recommend maracas
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, Who is. Electricians strip to make ends meet
When will carotene be out of beta? A good pun is its own reword
Incel: A man trapped outside a woman’s body I laugh at mountains because they’re hill areas
My weekends are in tents (Na)16 Batman
Let's not talk about eternity because it just never ends To be frank, I would have to change my name
(pumpkin) pi I’m addicted to interventions
Puns make me numb. Math puns make me number In queso emergency: melt cheese
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