Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Nothing's like it used to be except deja vu If you can read this easily, big deal, so can everyone
I'd like to verb your noun I don't repeat gossip so listen carefully
I'll start exercising as soon as I get into shape I love Earth's rotation It really makes my day
Drive like lightning and you'll probably strike lots of trees I'd help the homeless but I don't know where they live
I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair
Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours I had a pet peeve for a long time but it got loose and my cat ate it
I was hurt falling into an upholstery machine but I'm recovered now A procrastinator's work is never done
I know I speak for everyone when I say I have multiple personality disorder I learned two big lessons today. I can't remember the first but the second is "write things down"
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it
Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things
Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome! People sayt I have a gambling problem but I'll bet you fifty bucks, 10 to 1, I don't
I'm a man of few I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left Obesity is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit
An introvert walks past a bar Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it Sudoku for the busy
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? I am not a number I am a sticker
A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter Not humerus
I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra
Resist (resistor) I just can't express how aphasic I am
I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation I’m sorry about how much I apologize
I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is I have an on again off again relationship with light switches
I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma. Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive
I haven’t slept for 4 days. That’s too long to stay asleep Never let it be said that...
My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You You can't live on Food stamps they have no nutrition and taste bad
Double negatives are a no no The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands
My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world
Back in school I was voted Most Likely to Cling to Past Achievements I’m all about fitness taco into my mouth
To me, the meaning of translucent is not quite clear I need constant validation, right?
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones
You matter. Unless you energy There are 2 kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data
When will carotene be out of beta? I have a love/hate relationship with strong, contrary emotions
I’m kind of a big dill Let's not talk about eternity because it just never ends
Playas are a beach A new study says you will pay attention to anything starting with “a new study says”
Philosophical Finder: Why are you here? Please explain sleep to me because I just don't get it
If you really want to shake things up I recommend maracas Incel: A man trapped outside a woman’s body
Look left. You failed.
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