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InternetBumperStickers.com Wordplay, page 8

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Bad puns are how eye roll Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones Double negatives are a no no
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? A procrastinator's work is never done
I'm not superstitious, just a little stiitious Vegan zombies want grrraaaaains
American children can be kind but German children are always kinder To me, the meaning of translucent is not quite clear
I have an on again off again relationship with light switches I’m kind of a big dill
I need constant validation, right? The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands
An introvert walks past a bar Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
Resist (resistor) Look left. You failed.
A good pun is its own reword My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust
When will carotene be out of beta? There are 2 kinds of people: 1. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data
Playas are a beach I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst
Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world Don’t engage in e-sex that is not contextual
Eat aluminum foil, you sheet metal I laugh at mountains because they’re hill areas
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions Let's not talk about eternity because it just never ends
I’m addicted to interventions (pumpkin) pi
To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it Not sure I trust my math teacher and his graph paper He may be plotting something
Electricians strip to make ends meet Incel: A man trapped outside a woman’s body
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, Who is. Not all math puns are bad, just sum
You matter. Unless you energy I’m not one for schizophrenia
If you really want to shake things up I recommend maracas Sentence fragments tedious
Puns make me numb. Math puns make me number (Na)16 Batman
My modus operandi is using Latin phrases to sound superior The two rules for success: 1. Never tell all you know
I don’t care IV roman numerals A new study says you will pay attention to anything starting with “a new study says”
Doormats are gateway rugs I put the ‘toast’ in ‘toaster.’ Then I take it out and eat it
Vuja De: The feeling you're doing it wrong all over again Please explain sleep to me because I just don't get it
In queso emergency: melt cheese Philosophical Finder: Why are you here?
On a scale of 1 to 10 I only weigh 10 pounds To be frank, I would have to change my name
My weekends are in tents 332 - I’m not half bad
You cannot swim under water you can only swim in water 20% off everything
Pacifiers are for suckers I love heavy metal (tuba)
I hate waiting in line. It’s my longstanding complaint I’m a big wheel around here (cheese wheel)
Coronavirus is surging because the population is so dense I need a bigger sticker
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
-History When one door closes, another door opens (I’m talking about prison)
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