Internet Bumper Stickers Wordplay, page 8

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I named my boat Palindrome. It's a kayak Top ten reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Nothing's like it used to be except deja vu If you can read this easily, big deal, so can everyone
I learned two big lessons today. I can't remember the first but the second is "write things down" I don't repeat gossip so listen carefully
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it I love Earth's rotation It really makes my day
Drive like lightning and you'll probably strike lots of trees I'd help the homeless but I don't know where they live
I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair
Atheists wake up at such ungodly hours I had a pet peeve for a long time but it got loose and my cat ate it
I was hurt falling into an upholstery machine but I'm recovered now I'd like to have a sex change ... from none to a lot
A procrastinator's work is never done I'm so adjective, I verb nouns
I finally got a diagnosis! ...Restless Leg Syndrome! People sayt I have a gambling problem but I'll bet you fifty bucks, 10 to 1, I don't
I'm not a control freak I just like to show people the right way to do things I know I speak for everyone when I say I have multiple personality disorder
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes
I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it Disgusted by mimes and their unspeakable acts
To make holy water, take regular water and boil the hell out of it Sudoku for the busy
An introvert walks past a bar Reintarnation: When you come back as a hillbilly
Obesity is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit I'm a man of few
I don’t like sausage jokes, they’re the wurst Not humerus
If they don't want me to knock it over why do they write "Tip Jar" on it? Never let it be said that...
If your cup runneth over you probably need a different bra I am not a number I am a sticker
I'm like an honor student but without the grades or motivation I’m sorry about how much I apologize
Resist (resistor) I just can't express how aphasic I am
I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is A hippo is really heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter
I have an on again off again relationship with light switches The sign, Employees Must Wash Hands, is wrong. It’s perfectly OK to wash your own hands
My Queen cover band is named We Will Paper You I. Am. Not. Tryng. To. Make. A. Point. I. Have. Asthma.
My vacuum cleaner just gathers dust You can't live on Food stamps they have no nutrition and taste bad
I haven’t slept for 4 days. That’s too long to stay asleep Stop worrying about an apocalypse it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world
Back in school I was voted Most Likely to Cling to Past Achievements I’m all about fitness taco into my mouth
Unlike some of you, I don’t care to be passive aggressive Double negatives are a no no
Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones You matter. Unless you energy
Know what I don’t like? People who answer their own questions When will carotene be out of beta?
I need constant validation, right?
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