Admontions, page 2

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If it involves a meatloaf and a plunger, don't do it Never do anything you wouldn't do in a parallel universe
IF ALL ELSE FAILS USE A BIGGER HAMMER Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.
Friends don't let friends shop drunk If you don't want to wash the dishes do 'em bad the first time.
Don't confuse honesty with a lack of opportunity to steal something big Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut
Do not eat the Danish If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got
When in doubt, mumble Let the sermon finish before you cook the missionary
If you can't build a robot, be a robot -Grandpa Don't do meth
Never miss a good chance to shut up Actually, you do have enough time
Never kiss opportunity with a dirty mouth -Russian proverb Don't expect
Do not chide me To sharpen a point of view hone it against many others
When all else fails, try denial Do not pass go
To be loved, be lovable -Ovid When waiting for your ship to come in, don't be at the airport
Accept no substitutes Never test the depth of the water with both feet
You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to Don't say always, don't say never
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth Don't call Pluto a dwarf. It prefers "Little Planet"
Be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise Never make someone your priority when you are merely their option
If all else fails... more duct tape! Don't be hatin'
Don't be worthless Do not stare
Assume nothing Let's never err on the side of caution
Never have a heart attach while playing charades Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more
Don't let school interfere with your education Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes
Want different results? Make different choices When you're in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one Don't force it
When all else fails, lower your standards You need to live by the rules so be sure to pick good ones
Don't ask The best way to avoid being disillusioned is to avoid illusions
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