Tribulations, page 4

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I think some of my choices may have been ill considered This morning was terrific, right until I woke up
When I laugh too hard I cry a little in my panties You may already be doomed
I believe in paying my taxes with a smile. But they want cash A day on Venus lasts over 4800 hours the same as a Monday on Earth
The satellites know you are reading this If by "happy" you mean clinically depressed... then, yes, I'm happy
I've got a lot not going for me There's no bottom to this barrel
I'm the leading cause of everything bad that happens to me Expectation is always my crime, disappointment my punishment
This is not the future I expected Damned if you do bored if you don't
Best or not, laughter is the only medicine I can still afford Cow pies aren't really pies!
Harvard didn't even accept my application Very close to faking my own death
I'm going out of my mind! Please hold my place til I get back What we have doesn't work
I was hoping I'd run out of things to be disillusioned about by now I try to lose weight but it keeps finding me
Note to future self: Sorry I made things so tough for you I find your lack of punctuation disturbing
The only thing I never seem to put off is procrastination These are hard times for dreamers
I fear things I don't understand This is the worst Monday since last Monday
Reality is ruining my life The first five days after the weekend are the hardest
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one I had too much to dream last night
I'm disappointed by this unforeseen turn of events So many locks, so few keys
I always forget how bad I am at remembering My bad decisions haunt me
You morning people are creating a hostile work environment for the rest of us Due to circumstances beyond my control I am here
I'm already tired tomorrow It's always a little later than you think
Your dryer isn't shrinking your clothes, your refrigerator is I think therefore I am a nervous wreck these days!
I put in contacts for this?! I think I just heard the first thundercrack of the apocalypse
This appears to be unproductive I'd start working out but I don't have a good Before picture yet
I can't bring myself to delete any episodes of Hoarders I started a Neighborhood Watch but my neighbors called the cops on me
I pay a monthly gym membership fee as reminder of my poor decisionmaking Ramen noodles taste like payday is a week away
If each day is a gift today was underpants My closest friends stopped talking to me just because I'm taking anti-psychotic drugs
The trouble is, you think you have time The worst thing about mornings is morning people
It seems Rock Bottom has a basement Thank you, ATM fees, for letting me buy my own money
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