Declarations, page 4
Declarations, page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
My plan B is to keep trying my plan A until it works Reality is nice but I wouldn't want to live there
I’m not for everyone I miss the days when I could make my parents proud just by taking a long nap
I’m never too busy to complain I’m too busy I don’t always whoop but when I do, there it is
I’m only a teacher for the money and the fame My superpower is picking the slowest grocery store line
I try to keep my cheat days down to 7 a week I have no faith in science. It requires none
I’m an acquired taste I can tell by your rudely sarcastic comment that we should be friends
my superpower is being able to keep my mouth shut these days I avoid frivolous spending by using all my money for rent
Karen is my homeboy I don’t have a fear of flying I have a fear of crashing
I’m not a robot My remaining get-rich-quick schemes all include time travel
I wasn’t snoring, I was riding motorcycles in my dreams I’ve given my memory foam mattress a lot to forget
I'm so lucky thought bubbles aren't real Financially, I'm set for life provided I die next week
I was socially distant before it was a thing Those are not typos those are my fresh takes
I read banned books I would rather my plane crash than have passengers clap when it lands
They said it couldn’t be done so I didn’t bother I don’t need a therapist I have a sister
Now that I have my to-do list I just need someone to do it My worst decisions are ahead of me
I’m going to change the world. I mean my life. I mean the channel. I dusted once. It came back. Not falling for that again.
I’m a glutton for gluten I’m not procrastinating I’m on a side quest
I lack enthusiasm for all this My astrological sign? The one that doesn’t believe in astrology
I’m staying in. Out costs too much My alone time is for everyone’s safety
Still waiting for the Beatles to get back together Sleep is my art
I’m OK with my crazy I do this not because it’s easy but because I thought it would be easy
I kept reading that junk food is unhealthy, so I gave up reading Mom, Dad. I’m a thespian
Yes. This is my first rodeo. We're all mad here
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