Modern Thought, page 3

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Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile The wheel stops for no hamster
No good deed goes unpunished Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate
Opposites Attack Happiness is good health and a bad memory
A psychotic is a guy who just found out what's going on. -William S. Burroughs Money isn't the key to happiness but you can use that money to have a key made
God cannot alter the past. That is the historians' job Being part of the solution is for people not cool enough to be part of the problem
Children, drunks and leggings always tell the truth The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit
Being a grown up should never be more than a part time job It's only a gambling problem when you lose
Smart is the new skinny Perfectionism: A propensity to be displeased with everything
There's no I in Team, but there're four in Platitude-Quoting Idiot Trying is the first step toward faliure
Tact is for those who lack the wit for sarcasm Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance: The 5 stages of waking up Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Handcuffed is almost never a good way to wake up Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
If there's a 50/50 chance something can go wrong, 9 times out of 10 it will It's never too late to give up
Sitting is the new smoking Corporations are people too
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example -Mark Twain Too much is never enough
A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist Experience is what helps you recognize a mistake when you make it again
Children are our future. Unless we stop them now If you find something everyone agrees on it will be wrong
Plagiarism is the most devious form of flattery Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important
Spandex. A privilege not a right The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it
The hardest part of parenting is the first 40 years If you say no to drugs, talking to drugs may be a sign you're already on drugs
The quickest way to find a thing you've lost is to buy a replacement The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction
Teamwork means not having to take all the blame Everything leaves a mark
What's right is what's left once you've done everything else wrong It's n ot hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere
There is nothing so permanent as a temporary solution that works Sleep is for the weak
No matter what you're looking for the good ones are always taken Arguments are to be avoided, they are always vulgar and often convincing. -Oscar Wilde
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