Modern Thought, page 3
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There is nothing so permanent as a temporary solution that works If there's a 50/50 chance something can go wrong, 9 times out of 10 it will
This too shall pass. Like a kidney stone, maybe, but it will pass Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Karma's only a bitch if you are Sitting is the new smoking
Corporations are people too The hardest part of parenting is the first 40 years
Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth Money can buy happiness if you know where to shop
Mistakes are proof that you're trying. And incompetent The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it
Everyone is someone's disappointment Plagiarism is the most devious form of flattery
If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments It's never too late to give up
Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue Exercising bad judgment may be bad, but at least it's exercise
Perfectionism: A propensity to be displeased with everything Experience is what helps you recognize a mistake when you make it again
Yesterday is just a memory, tomorrow only a dream, but today was a real bitch Children are our future. Unless we stop them now
Teamwork means not having to take all the blame Silence is golden unless you have kids then it's suspicious
What's right is what's left once you've done everything else wrong God cannot alter the past. That is the historians' job
Your dryer doesn’t shrink your clothes your refrigerator does The best time machine is an old song
Insomnia is nature's way of telling you to get more done If at first you don’t succeed, you didn’t watch a YouTube how-to video
It’s best to confront your fears (unless you fear bears) Procrastination: a vote of confidence in your future self
Any restaurant is a drive thru if you’re determined enough Any pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself
Better Late than having to be there the whole time Good things come to those who wait but bad things show up right away
Opportunity only knocks once but temptation leans on the doorbell Sooner or later we all quote our mothers
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism If at first you don't succeed, redefine success
Everybody has a perfect memory when it’s something they’d rather forget An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke -F. Scott Fitzgerald
Be a pessimist and all your surprises will be happy ones Cheese: Milk’s attempt at immortality
Lack of ambition is a real timesaver There is no excuse for the pronunciation of colonel
An acquaintance is just a friend you haven't scared away yet Laughter is not the best medicine for incontinence
Gift cards: Gift shopping’s tiny surrender flags Reality doesn't care about your beliefs
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