Modern Thought, page 3
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Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth Experience is what helps you recognize a mistake when you make it again
Karma's only a bitch if you are Teamwork means not having to take all the blame
Corporations are people too Money can buy happiness if you know where to shop
Perfectionism: A propensity to be displeased with everything Exercising bad judgment may be bad, but at least it's exercise
What's right is what's left once you've done everything else wrong Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
God cannot alter the past. That is the historians' job Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Yesterday is just a memory, tomorrow only a dream, but today was a real bitch Mistakes are proof that you're trying. And incompetent
If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments Children are our future. Unless we stop them now
The best time machine is an old song If at first you don’t succeed, you didn’t watch a YouTube how-to video
Your dryer doesn’t shrink your clothes your refrigerator does An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke -F. Scott Fitzgerald
Better Late than having to be there the whole time Lack of ambition is a real timesaver
Insomnia is nature's way of telling you to get more done For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
Good things come to those who wait but bad things show up right away Gift cards: Gift shopping’s tiny surrender flags
It’s best to confront your fears (unless you fear bears) Be a pessimist and all your surprises will be happy ones
Procrastination: a vote of confidence in your future self Laughter is not the best medicine for incontinence
One day at a time is sometimes way too fast Any pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself
Sooner or later we all quote our mothers If at first you don't succeed, redefine success
Opportunity only knocks once but temptation leans on the doorbell Everybody has a perfect memory when it’s something they’d rather forget
Anything is funnier if you’re not allowed to laugh at it There is no excuse for the pronunciation of colonel
Reality doesn't care about your beliefs Any restaurant is a drive thru if you’re determined enough
A poor memory is not the same as a clear conscience Silence is golden, unless you have young kids, then it’s suspicious
Coffee is so much better when no one talks while you drink it A father is a banker provided by nature -French proverb
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way Cheese: Milk’s attempt at immortality
An acquaintance is just a friend you haven't scared away yet Money always wins
The past is like the future with the lights on The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese
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