Modern Thought, page 5

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Everyone has value - if only as a bad example Opportunity always looks bigger behind you than ahead of you
Common sense, like deodorant, is noticed most when it isn't used The best way to save face is to keep the lower part of it shut
Art is anything you can get away with. -Andy Warhol Mediocre is the new excellent
Procrastination is a dish best served tomorrow Expensive paintings are just trading cards for the rich
No good deed goes unpunished If life were fair, sarcasm would burn calories
Sometimes a road is less traveled for a good reason Packages of batteries should be labeled “Gift not included”
PASTE ALT HERE There's always free cheese in a mousetrap
The difference between in-laws and outlaws: outlaws are wanted Reality is where bad things happen
Junk is the unused stuff you've had for years and won't need until you throw it out The first thing to have instant replay was books
Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee Real courage is knowing you’re wrong and refusing to admit it
Now is the new later Life comes without instructions, that's why we have fathers
It’s not hoarding if it’s stuff you like Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses
Stereotypes save time If you ain't different, you ain't normal
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand College memories last forever I mean student loan payments
Real cars don’t drive themselves If you don't have a Plan B, you don't have a plan
Personhood begins at the moment of incorporation The curse of wealth is having to be around rich people
Everything in moderation unless no one is looking A yawn is a silent cry for coffee
If you're not part of the solution, there's good money in prolonging the problem The worst vice is advice
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional Experience is a hard teacher. It gives the test before the lesson
Synonym: A word you use in place of the one you can't spell Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t catch on
A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than for other people. –Thomas Mann The truth will set you free but first, probably make you mad
QUESTION AUTHORITY and the authorities will question you
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