Modern Thought, page 5
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No good deed goes unpunished Common sense, like deodorant, is noticed most when it isn't used
If you don't have a Plan B, you don't have a plan Procrastination is a dish best served tomorrow
Opportunity always looks bigger behind you than ahead of you The best way to save face is to keep the lower part of it shut
Everyone has value - if only as a bad example The first thing to have instant replay was books
If life were fair, sarcasm would burn calories Packages of batteries should be labeled “Gift not included”
Sometimes a road is less traveled for a good reason Life comes without instructions, that's why we have fathers
Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee If you ain't different, you ain't normal
PASTE ALT HERE It’s not hoarding if it’s stuff you like
Junk is the unused stuff you've had for years and won't need until you throw it out The curse of wealth is having to be around rich people
College memories last forever I mean student loan payments Real cars don’t drive themselves
Reality is where bad things happen Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t catch on
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses The worst vice is advice
Experience is a hard teacher. It gives the test before the lesson The truth will set you free but first, probably make you mad
Personhood begins at the moment of incorporation If you're not part of the solution, there's good money in prolonging the problem
Everything in moderation unless no one is looking Synonym: A word you use in place of the one you can't spell
A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than for other people. –Thomas Mann QUESTION AUTHORITY and the authorities will question you
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional A yawn is a silent cry for coffee
Today's greatest labor-saving device is tomorrow Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance - The 5 stages of waking up
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