Modern Thought, page 4
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Anything can be funny if it happens to someone else Karma has no deadlines
Every day is a gift of unreturnable things you didn’t ask for Compromise is the satisfactory distribution of dissatisfaction
Chocolate fixes everything If you really “did it like a boss” other people did it for you and you just took the credit
A pessimist is an optimist with more complete information Having weird parents builds character
If you can’t handle someone at their worst you may have very healthy boundaries A watched pot will eventually get paranoid
Friends are god's apology for relatives Good. Fast. Cheap. Choose two.
You're only as good as your made up resume says you are When camping, the best way to avoid Bigfoot is to carry a reliable camera
The future doesn't need us The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way Leftovers are for quitters
Weddings aren’t GAY or straight ...just a waste of money that could have been used for a down payment Inside every small problem is a larger problem waiting for you to let it out
When one door closes... open it. It's a door. That's how they work. A paper cut is the tree’s small revenge
If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds No one can make a fool of you. It's a do-it-yourself kind of thing
There is no such thing as too many tools History may not repeat itself but it does rhyme a lot. -Mark Twain
The biggest corporate lies are the serving size on food packages Good judgment is gained from experience which is often gained from bad judgment
Insanity is saying the same thing over and over and expecting your kids to listen Art is anything you can get away with. -Andy Warhol
Stereotypes save time Tomorrow will be better. Or worse. Maybe the same.
The key to any relationship is sincerity Once you can fake that the rest is easy Real courage is knowing you’re wrong and refusing to admit it
Now is the new later What doesn’t kill you sometimes makes you wish it had
Parties: For when you want to clean up twice in 12 hours Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles -Pythagoras The obscure, we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer -Edward R. Murrow
Only a proton can stay positive all the time The difference between in-laws and outlaws: outlaws are wanted
Sunrise is the perfect light for revealing bad decisions You don’t wash your hands, they wash each other
Expensive paintings are just trading cards for the rich Naps - solving problems since forever
An actual nonstop flight would be dreadful There's always free cheese in a mousetrap
Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from Mediocre is the new excellent
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