Modern Thought, page 4
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A pessimist is an optimist with more complete information Anything can be funny if it happens to someone else
Leftovers are for quitters Karma has no deadlines
Chocolate fixes everything If you really “did it like a boss” other people did it for you and you just took the credit
You're only as good as your made up resume says you are Having weird parents builds character
If you can’t handle someone at their worst you may have very healthy boundaries A watched pot will eventually get paranoid
Friends are god's apology for relatives Good. Fast. Cheap. Choose two.
Weddings aren’t GAY or straight ...just a waste of money that could have been used for a down payment When camping, the best way to avoid Bigfoot is to carry a reliable camera
The future doesn't need us Compromise is the satisfactory distribution of dissatisfaction
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way Inside every small problem is a larger problem waiting for you to let it out
Every day is a gift of unreturnable things you didn’t ask for A paper cut is the tree’s small revenge
When one door closes... open it. It's a door. That's how they work. If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds
No one can make a fool of you. It's a do-it-yourself kind of thing There is no such thing as too many tools
The biggest corporate lies are the serving size on food packages History may not repeat itself but it does rhyme a lot. -Mark Twain
Stereotypes save time Good judgment is gained from experience which is often gained from bad judgment
Insanity is saying the same thing over and over and expecting your kids to listen Art is anything you can get away with. -Andy Warhol
Tomorrow will be better. Or worse. Maybe the same. What doesn’t kill you sometimes makes you wish it had
The key to any relationship is sincerity Once you can fake that the rest is easy Real courage is knowing you’re wrong and refusing to admit it
Now is the new later The obscure, we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer -Edward R. Murrow
Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles -Pythagoras Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
Naps - solving problems since forever You don’t wash your hands, they wash each other
Sunrise is the perfect light for revealing bad decisions The difference between in-laws and outlaws: outlaws are wanted
Mediocre is the new excellent An actual nonstop flight would be dreadful
Parties: For when you want to clean up twice in 12 hours There's always free cheese in a mousetrap
Expensive paintings are just trading cards for the rich Only a proton can stay positive all the time
Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from Procrastination is a dish best served tomorrow
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