Men & Women, page 4

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Marriage? Why buy the pig just to get a little sausage? Behind every successful man there is a woman rolling her eyes
Men won't read instructions, women won't follow them I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. Then it was too late
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes Never cut off your hair over a man -Sheryl Crow
Divorce is expensive because it's worth it I always wanted a really hot body so... thanks, menopause!
Any woman with a big fat ass should leave him A bisexual is a man who likes women as much as the next guy
It appears your maintenance level is higher than you let on Men are like parking spaces. That is, if parking spaces are selfish bastards
Love is being stupid together I liked it better when men made the decisions and women made the coffee
Love is a malady easily cured by marriage The average woman's eyes are located approximately 1.5 seconds after her boobs
Call no man unhappy until he is married -Socrates Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men spend actually thinking
Why di the man cross the road? Who knows, why the hell do they do anything? American marriage: A sacred lifetime commitment of, on average, 5 years
Whenever I meet a man I think would be a good husband, he usually is I have a trophy wife. Just not first place
Losing a husband can be hard, sometimes nearly impossible Men are just the same as women except men are bastards
I wish my computer had as much memory as my wife No matter where I am, the only place I want to be is closer to you
Marriage is a personal decision, not a national one It's not that I can't commit, I just want to be sure there isn't someone else better out there
I married Miss Right before I knew her first name was Always To get a man to do something, suggest that he's too old for it
We got married for better or worse; he couldn't do better, I couldn't do worse Does this patriarchy make my ass look fat?
Cleavage is like the sun, you can glance but don't stare Empowered women empower women
Love isn't blind, it's brain damaged Nothing makes a beautiful woman less attractive than ugly grammar
If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, call them later when you're drunk Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them
Nice guys finish last If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry -Chekov
It’s weird how my wife starts conversations with: You weren’t even listening, were you? #MeToo
Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths Men, don't say anything to a woman at work you wouldn't want a man to say to you in prison
Damn, boy, you must be a bank because I want you to leave me a loan All I want is somebody whose demons will play nice with mine
60% of marriage is shouting what? from another room For 28 years, my wife and I were happy and then we met
Real Men DO Sparkle It wasn’t Eve. It wasn’t Yoko. Stop blaming women
Marriage teaches you how many wrong ways there are to do things I live in a correctional facility: my wife is always correcting me
Let me explain to you why “mansplaining” isn’t really a thing
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