Modern Thought, page 1

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A synonym is a word you use in place of the one you can't spell Chocolate fixes everything
A word to the wise isn't necessary Nothing ever looks like the picture
Insomnia is nature's way of telling you to get more done Playtime is never over
It's easier to get forgiveness than permission A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
Good. Fast. Cheap. Choose two. Do unto others is bad advice to a masochist
The right side of the brain is for loading and unloading only If a little is good, more is better, and too much is just right
Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels except for bacon and donuts and pizza and...
Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot. -Mark Twain
Imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement 80% of success is showing up -Woody Allen
Stereotypes make life easier Actions speak louder than bumper stickers
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism If you can't fix it with a hammer it's an electrical problem
PRIVACY IS HISTORY QUESTION AUTHORITY and the authorities will question you
Just because no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone iin mind to blame
Reality: Worst game ever Some fools are hard to underestimate
Obsessed is how the lazy describe the dedicated Being drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what
Cleanliness is next to impossible It's not convenience food if you can't reach it from bed
Expiration dates are for the weak Experience is what you get right after you need it
If you ain't different, you ain't normal Anything is possible as long as it's within your limited abilities
Enough is never enough Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes
Those who don't believe in magic are right are those who do The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who don't have it -George Bernard Shaw
The only thing we have to fear is clowns If you're not paranoid you're crazy
Ignorance is nine tenths of the law Confessions are good for the soul but bad for the reputation
Be a pessimist and all your surprises will be happy ones The hardest thing about business is minding your own
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant Too much money is as bad as too little, and there's no such thing as just enough
Worrying works! 90% of the things you worry about will never happen. Try it! Common sense, like deodorant, is noticed most when it isn't used
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