Modern Thought, page 3
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The wheel stops for no hamster Mistakes are proof that you're trying. And incompetent
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit There is nothing so permanent as a temporary solution that works
Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance: The 5 stages of waking up
Fake is the new real Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important Being a grown up should never be more than a part time job
If you find something everyone agrees on it will be wrong Plagiarism is the most devious form of flattery
Perfectionism: A propensity to be displeased with everything Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it If there's a 50/50 chance something can go wrong, 9 times out of 10 it will
The quickest way to find a thing you've lost is to buy a replacement What's right is what's left once you've done everything else wrong
Arguments are to be avoided, they are always vulgar and often convincing. -Oscar Wilde The hardest part of parenting is the first 40 years
If you say no to drugs, talking to drugs may be a sign you're already on drugs Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
Corporations are people too It's never too late to give up
Exercising bad judgment may be bad, but at least it's exercise The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction
Spandex. A privilege not a right Experience is what helps you recognize a mistake when you make it again
God cannot alter the past. That is the historians' job Sleep is for the weak
Sitting is the new smoking Yesterday is just a memory, tomorrow only a dream, but today was a real bitch
Children are our future. Unless we stop them now No matter what you're looking for the good ones are always taken
Everyone is someone's disappointment Money isn't the key to happiness but you can use that money to have a key made
This too shall pass. Like a kidney stone, maybe, but it will pass Trying is the first step toward faliure
Everything leaves a mark Handcuffed is almost never a good way to wake up
Silence is golden unless you have kids then it's suspicious It's n ot hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere
Too much is never enough An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true
Money can buy happiness if you know where to shop Teamwork means not having to take all the blame
Karma's only a bitch if you are If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments
It’s best to confront your fears (unless you fear bears) A poor memory is not the same as a clear conscience
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