Modern Thought, page 5

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The future has been postponed Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened
Money can't buy happiness, just cool stuf that makes you happy Friends are god's apology for relatives
Without a plan nothing can go wrong Beauty is only skin deep and that is quite sufficient
If you can't beat them, use cheat codes A word to the wise isn't necessary
Graduation: The end of the easy part of life Fat is the new skinny
A penny saved... is ridiculous The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction
Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee Self Delusion: It's fun and it's easy!
Bacon is meat candy Exercising bad judgment may be bad, but at least it's exercise
A pessimist sees the glass half empty, an optimist sees it half full, a mom sees one more thing she has to wash Compromise results in everyone being unhappy, but happy about it
Some fools are hard to underestimate Arguments are to be avoided, they are always vulgar and often convincing. -Oscar Wilde
One day at a time is sometimes way too fast If it starts yowling it's not a piñata
The only thing we have to fear are the people who tell us to be afraid Courage is often based on incomplete information
The bigger they are, the harder they kick your ass An expert is someone who is one page ahead in the manual
Everyone has a plan until they punched in the mouth Cheese = milk + magic
Trying is for suckers Karma's only a bitch if you are
This too shall pass. Like a kidney stone, maybe, but it will pass If you love something let it go. If it doesn't come back, why the hell did you let it go?!
If you're right all the time you'll never learn anything There is a fine line between boredom and hunger
Mediocre is the new excellent If there's no light at the end of your tunnel maybe it's a cave
Junk is the unused stuff you've had for years and won't need until you throw it out The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up
Nothing is impossible when you work for the circus Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw up
Art is a dirty job but somebody's got to do it Vegetables is what food eats
In a fight between MacGyver and Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer would win There's no limit to how much you can do when you're supposed to be doing something else
Handcuffed is almost never a good way to wake up Reasons are why we do things!
Bedwetting is when you let Nature's Call go to voicemail Impulse is intuition on crack
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