Modern Thought, page 4

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We must learn from our mistakes of the past to improve our mistakes in the future Self Delusion: It's fun and it's easy!
Good. Fast. Cheap. Choose two. One day at a time is sometimes way too fast
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way
The best time machine is an old song No one can make a fool of you. It's a do-it-yourself kind of thing
Opportunity only knocks once but temptation leans on the doorbell Karma has no deadlines
If at first you don’t succeed, you didn’t watch a YouTube how-to video A poor memory is not the same as a clear conscience
Chocolate fixes everything Good things come to those who wait but bad things show up right away
Weddings aren’t GAY or straight ...just a waste of money that could have been used for a down payment Silence is golden, unless you have young kids, then  it’s suspicious
Procrastination: a vote of confidence in your future self Everybody has a perfect memory when it’s something they’d rather forget
There is no we in fries. Friends are god's apology for relatives
When camping, the best way to avoid Bigfoot is to carry a reliable camera Your dryer doesn’t shrink your clothes your refrigerator does
Gift cards: Gift shopping’s tiny surrender flags Money always wins
When one door closes... open it. It's a door. That's how they work. You're only as good as your made up resume says you are
Every day is a gift of unreturnable things you didn’t ask for If you can’t handle someone at their worst you may have very healthy boundaries
Tomorrow will be better. Or worse. Maybe the same. If you really “did it like a boss” other people did it for you and you just took the credit
A paper cut is the tree’s small revenge Good judgment is gained from experience which is often gained from bad judgment
Leftovers are for quitters Anything is funnier if you’re not allowed to laugh at it
Lack of ambition is a real timesaver A pessimist is someone who has heard one too many optimists
A watched pot will eventually get paranoid The past is like the future with the lights on
Reality doesn't care about your beliefs The key to any relationship is sincerity Once you can fake that the rest is easy
Inside every small problem is a larger problem waiting for you to let it out The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese
Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from Sunrise is the perfect light for revealing bad decisions
History may not repeat itself but it does rhyme a lot. -Mark Twain A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way
Naps - solving problems since forever Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles -Pythagoras
A pessimist is an optimist with more complete information An actual nonstop flight would be dreadful
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