Modern Thought, page 4
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Insomnia is nature's way of telling you to get more done Good. Fast. Cheap. Choose two.
Karma has no deadlines Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional A watched pot will eventually get paranoid
The best time machine is an old song No one can make a fool of you. It's a do-it-yourself kind of thing
If at first you don’t succeed, you didn’t watch a YouTube how-to video Opportunity only knocks once but temptation leans on the doorbell
Your dryer doesn’t shrink your clothes your refrigerator does When camping, the best way to avoid Bigfoot is to carry a reliable camera
Chocolate fixes everything Good things come to those who wait but bad things show up right away
Weddings aren’t GAY or straight ...just a waste of money that could have been used for a down payment Silence is golden, unless you have young kids, then it’s suspicious
Procrastination: a vote of confidence in your future self Everybody has a perfect memory when it’s something they’d rather forget
There is no we in fries. Friends are god's apology for relatives
Money always wins One day at a time is sometimes way too fast
Gift cards: Gift shopping’s tiny surrender flags You're only as good as your made up resume says you are
When one door closes... open it. It's a door. That's how they work. If you can’t handle someone at their worst you may have very healthy boundaries
Every day is a gift of unreturnable things you didn’t ask for If you really “did it like a boss” other people did it for you and you just took the credit
A paper cut is the tree’s small revenge Tomorrow will be better. Or worse. Maybe the same.
Leftovers are for quitters Good judgment is gained from experience which is often gained from bad judgment
Anything is funnier if you’re not allowed to laugh at it The past is like the future with the lights on
Insanity is saying the same thing over and over and expecting your kids to listen The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese
A pessimist is someone who has heard one too many optimists A pessimist is an optimist with more complete information
Inside every small problem is a larger problem waiting for you to let it out If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds
Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from The key to any relationship is sincerity Once you can fake that the rest is easy
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way History may not repeat itself but it does rhyme a lot. -Mark Twain
Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles -Pythagoras Reality doesn't care about your beliefs
You don’t wash your hands, they wash each other Naps - solving problems since forever
An actual nonstop flight would be dreadful Sunrise is the perfect light for revealing bad decisions
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