Wordplay, page 3

Wordplay, page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
Know what I like to do? Answer my own questions To err is human, to arr is pirate
Never let it be said that... Don't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people)
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice I'm uncertain about quantum mechanics
The passive voice is to be avoided
I got my body by doing lots of crunches: Captain and Nestlé Nothing's worse then misusing homophones
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic who walked into a bra? Irony is what steel is
Having written this, my participle dangled Relish today ketchup tomorrow
I need some way to remind myself to make a To-Do list Web Designer
Just say NO to negativism I used to be a perfectionist but I'm better now
At least the NSA is one government agency that will listen to you Follow that car, Godzilla and step on it!
Stop Vandalism Dear Math, Grow up and solve your own problems
To prevent headache, do what the aspirin bottle says: Keep away from children If you know telekinesis please raise my hand
Avoid being scammed! Send me $5 to find out how I'm not saying you're mean, I'm saying you're average
The difference between in-laws and outlaws is... outlaws are wanted Become an editor, enjoy a rewording career
Memory is the second thing to go. I don't remember what's first If you are what you eat, I'm going to eat a skinny person
I'm not superstitious, that would be bad luck I'd like to have moe self esteem but I don't deserve it
Obesity is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit I'll start exercising as soon as I get into shape
Back in school I was voted Most Likely to Cling to Past Achievements I have an easy way to cut carbs
Drive wrecklessly I love Earth's rotation It really makes my day
Never second-guess yourself. Well, maybe sometimes Eschew Obfuscation
I just can't express how aphasic I am For the record, I own a turntable
I don't repeat gossip so listen carefully I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe
If we weren't supposed to wear clothes we would have been born naked How is laser hair removal a thing? I don't know anybody with laser hair
If you are illiterate ignore this message Sleep is the best cure for insomnia
Whenever I start to feel lazy I take a nap until the feeling passes They call me apathetic but I don't care
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