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InternetBumperStickers.com Wordplay, page 6
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My daughter thinks I'm nosey or so it says in her diary I bought a bad thesaurus It’s really bad how bad it is
Moist people don’t proofread carefully Speech-to-text often makes me express things I didn’t Nintendo
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left This is the highlight of your day
The first rule of Illiteracy Club is… oh, never mind, you’re out I was shocked to learn I’m a bad electrician
Bumper The two rules for success: 1. Never tell all you know
My modus operandi is using Latin phrases to sound superior Typo Man, writer of wrongs
I wish I was rich like my dad. He always wished he was rich, too (pumpkin) pi
They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer Bad puns are how eye roll
Whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy My shower curtain is very attracted to me
6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy Life would be a billion times better if people stopped all the hyperbole
I can’t drive an electric vehicle — I don’t have a current license I'm taking steps to avoid elevators
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother Society of Exaggerators - A trillion strong and growing
Math is the only subject that counts I’m a big wheel around here (cheese wheel)
My girlfriend looked surprised when I said she drew her eyebrows too high My mother’s sisters can’t get covid because they have aunty bodies
A dogwood tree is easy to identify by its bark Hyphenated. Un-hyphenated. Ironic.
Beware of foreboding DEJA MOO: the feeling you've heard this Bull before
A clown opened a door for me today. That was a nice jester I’m afflicted by airport jokes. Doc says it’s terminal
I love surprises as long as I know they’re coming My plan to be more optimistic probably isn’t going to work
What do you get from a vampire snowman? Frostbite Everyone named Iris is 80% Irish
I haven’t slept for 4 days. That’s too long to stay asleep Some of you kids can’t read this (cursive)
Dept. of Corections The best thing about telepathy is… right?!
I keep my dad jokes in my dadabase Steps to take in case of fire: really big ones
Kindness is difficult to give away because it is usually returned Things would be so much simpler if they just weren't so complicated
In the US. a woman gives birth every 9 seconds. That woman must be found and stopped My dog ate my pronouns and he-she-it everywhere
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